It seems over the last few weeks as if my plans continue to disintegrate and crash, leaving me with the unknown of "what am I going to do?". I have had several opportunities open up, but it seems as if every time I start working towards starting the given opportunity something happens and it doesn't work out for me. Am I whining? probably. But it has just gotten my very frustrated and confused. I mean, for pete's sake, I cried at least 4 times last week... It's so rare for me to cry (unless I am on my period, lol - which I was not). It's driving me crazy... mostly because I don't like not-knowing what direction I am headed in (well I do enjoy some surprises too here and there ;-)), and because I am tired of always stopping and starting over again. So what opportunities have crashed? Here are some to list....
* Europe. - Had a chance to go for 5-6 weeks, not anymore :-( I LOVE traveling, and this would have been an amazing trip to do some more sight seeing, see old friends, and learn more french, ya-da ya-da...
* Being an intern for a photographer - GRRR. I really want to pursue photography. I love it. I love capturing God's amazing creation, people's emotions, ect. I had a chance to work with a wonderful and fabulous photographer who is local ....
* Working at a local church as a music assistant/music secretary as a part time job, M-Thur ....
* Probably i360 will not be working out too...
* Being an intern for a photographer - GRRR. I really want to pursue photography. I love it. I love capturing God's amazing creation, people's emotions, ect. I had a chance to work with a wonderful and fabulous photographer who is local ....
* Working at a local church as a music assistant/music secretary as a part time job, M-Thur ....
* Probably i360 will not be working out too...
Okay, you get the picture .... there has been different things come up but stuff is not working out. I have been SOOO bummed and upset about it all. BUT ......
I was reminded today from a dear friend that it's not MY will but HIS (God's) will that needs to be done. So then it struck me - is God clearing the way for me to do something for HIM instead of searching out my own desires? Is God preparing the way for something huge that I might not have been able to do if I was involved in any of the above or any other thing I didnt mention?? And right now I am believeing the answer is yes. I think He is. I have been so caught up in ME, and what am I supposed to be doing, instead of seeking out what does GOD want me to be pursuing so I may bring glory to Him, or so I may be I lighthouse for His name? AND... In church we sang a hymn which again reminded me of HIS will not mine. And while I have heard this hymn who knows how many times (and it is also one of my favorites), it struck home yesterday....
I was reminded today from a dear friend that it's not MY will but HIS (God's) will that needs to be done. So then it struck me - is God clearing the way for me to do something for HIM instead of searching out my own desires? Is God preparing the way for something huge that I might not have been able to do if I was involved in any of the above or any other thing I didnt mention?? And right now I am believeing the answer is yes. I think He is. I have been so caught up in ME, and what am I supposed to be doing, instead of seeking out what does GOD want me to be pursuing so I may bring glory to Him, or so I may be I lighthouse for His name? AND... In church we sang a hymn which again reminded me of HIS will not mine. And while I have heard this hymn who knows how many times (and it is also one of my favorites), it struck home yesterday....
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
There is also a verse that goes along with that:
Lamentations 3:21-23 ~ But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
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